Illegal ducks lead to mayhem

Column: Ducks in a Row


Keeping animals inside a farm is hard enough. I recently discovered that keeping them out is just as difficult.

One day, I was outside feeding my many animals, as usual. I noticed one muscovy duck sitting on the fence. Unusual. I walked over to scare it away, but  it proceeded to hiss and run at me, so I left it alone and continued to feed the rest of my animals. In the barn, I was greeted by three more ducks.

Over the next couple of days, my farm was invaded by 197 additional ducks.

The days continued, and policemen came to my house and informed my mother and I that muscovy ducks are illegal to own without a permit.  Since that day, I have been trying to remove these numerous ducks from my property. I have no desire to get arrested for having 201 illegal ducks.

Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful. Just a few days later, a sequence of terrible events began at 4:30 in the morning.

The ducks managed to sneak into the pasture where the cows are housed. Then, the devilish ducks deviously opened the gate that led to the main highway, and all the cows went running (given the opportunity to do so, I would, too, in their place.)

They ran three miles down the highway and into an old lady’s yard, where they recklessly destroyed her flower garden. She did what anyone would do if put in that situation: called the police.

Luckily, the officer that came knew us and our farm well, so  he just rode over to my house and knocked on the door. I answered, and he proceeded to tell me that all my cows were three miles down the road, invading some lady’s yard, tearing up her flower bed.

So I did what any good farmer would do: I got on my horse and rode down the road. I brought a bucket of their food to lure them back to my house. It  was a very tedious task. Partway home, they broke away from the line and ran farther down the road.

I was outnumbered, so I called my sister to come down on her horse.  Together,  we spent 45 minutes chasing  them home.

Once the cows were back in their pasture, I went to go see how they got out. Baffled, I saw the chain was completely off the gate. I heard some distant quacking, so I went to go see what it was. No surprise–it was the very same ducks that invade my property on a daily basis, the culprits that had freed the cows loosening the chain to the gate.

Since then, we still have not gotten a license for these illegal ducks, since my mother refuses to get such a permit for things we do not own.

Lesson learned: double-wrap the chain around the post when locking animals up for the night. Also, don’t trust ducks.