WEB EXCLUSIVE

I—obviously–am no perfect human, but I can tell the difference between right and wrong. Being in high school has truly made me understand the saying, “A beautiful face can be made ugly due to an unruly attitude.”

Not everyone is going to have an amazing day 365 days a year, but that doesn’t mean that people need to ridicule other others to make themselves feel better. On an average day, I am faced with more than 20 people who seem to thrive on making my day a bad one by saying things that will intentionally hurt me.

Of course, not everyone is a bad person, and even those who make fun of and tear down others aren’t necessarily bad people. They are simply people who are lost; in trying to find their way through life, they have forgotten how to love and be compassionate. They deal with a life in which they may not have had a role model to show them the way. They are like lost souls wandering in the dark.

This is by no means an excuse, however. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have sat down and cried, searching my mind for a true reason for why these people do the things they do. People can’t be expected to reach a level of perfection; they can, however, be expected to try.

Most people who have an ugly mindset are also the people who see bad things in other people, see the things that they see in themselves, see the qualities they wished they didn’t possess.

For me, when I see a person who allows others to completely walk all over them, it irks me. The reason? I take so much mistreatment from so many people that the feeling of hurt has turned into much more. Many people would give the shirt off of their back for others, but for whatever reason, those are the people who get trampled on. Most people who get taken advantage of either don’t realize it—or they have just become numb to the idea. To know this pain is one thing, but to watch a friend (or even a stranger) go through it is something even deeper.

I strive to not let anyone trample over me. I strive to remember that words are just words until I allow them to affect me. At the end of the day, I know that I need–not want, but need–to love myself.

My grandpa drilled the idea of self-worth into my head when I was a child. He asked me one day, “Jesica, if someone asks you how much you want to be paid, what would you say?” For the longest time my answer was always the same: “I would tell them whatever they feel is right.”

His answer to me was, “Keep in mind that if you allow people to set a price, you are not only allowing them to do that, but you are allowing them to take away your sense of being as a person, for only you can define how much you are worth.”

I wish that I could stop the course of time, go back to when I was younger, and tell myself that no matter what anyone says, or does, only I can truly know my self-worth. The fear of being hurt by words is not only something that comes naturally, but also worsens as my mind exaggerates the words tossed out by those with “unruly attitudes.” Words hurt, but they hurt a whole lot more when I let them.